Yeah, I’m keeping my shit together.

Trying hard not to break again. My memories are getting worse. Sometimes, when I try to remember, its just blank. Nothing. What’s wrong with me?

I don’t even know why am I living anymore. Like who do I love? Nobody. Yeah, family? I am too distant from them. Friends? I’m sorry, but right now nobody. Like my dreams? I’ve given them up a long time ago. Like for my future? Fuck, I ain’t got no future. Especially not where I am now. What?

Live in the present? Fuck no. Hate it.

I have no reason worthy for myself to live. I keep telling myself tomorrow gonna get better. Nah, shit just get worse. It’s like I’m a living zombie. Outside, I’m all colourful, inside, I’m just black. Blank. Nothing.

I don’t even think I can make it to 80 years old. Hell, I can’t even see myself further than 30.

Maybe I’m just too chicken. Afraid to die, hate to live.

I’m fucked up. I’m fucked.